February 18th, 2009 by Chris Eng

So, I did it. I actually baked my first cake. And you know what? It was pretty kick-ass.

Here’s me, before the mixing and baking commenced:

 
And here’s the cake after I took some of its still warm deliciousness and slammed it in my facehole:

So, first things being first, I preheated the over to 325 (or slightly below because our oven is really small and heats up too much).

Then I sifted 3/4 cup of cocoa, 1 1/4 cups of all-pupose flour and 1/4 teaspoon salt together, like so:

 
Next came the fun part (or at least the messy one): chopping and splintering 8 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate:

 
Unfortunately, very soon thereafter I came down with an outbreak of Chocohand:

 
The chocolate was put into a bowl with 12 tbsp of butter and that was put into the microwave until it was all one glorious, gooey mess.

Meanwhile, 4 eggs were getting cracked into a bowl:

 
And after 1 1/2 cups of sugar and 1 tsp vanilla extract were added… THEY WERE ASSAULTED WITH GREAT VIGOUR!

 
Then comes the stage when the chocolate mixture is whipped into the eggs, which is also the stage when your wife tries to surreptitiously lick the chocolate spatula without you noticing:

 
After you’re done scolding your wife and after she’s done cleaning the spatula, you add 1 cup buttermilk to 1/2 tsp baking soda. This is whisked into the chocolate. Then the dry ingredients (from way back in the beginning) are whisked in and the mix is ASSAULTED WITH GREAT VIGOUR!

 
When the batter becomes smooth and glossy, pour it into a buttered 13-inch baking pan. And, just so you know, this is what awesomeness looks like before it goes into the oven:

 
Bake the cake for around 40 minutes (basically, until you can insert a toothpick in the centre and it comes out dry). While you’re waiting, why not do the dishes? The less mess you have kicking around when it’s done means more time to sit there and eat cake. Also, have you got something better to do?

 
When the cake was done the top had puffed up and created an air hole underneath the crust. This had no detrimental effect on the cake, but the crust did make for a tasty, crispy chocolately snack, which we ate while we waited for the cake to cool.

 
I’m not going to pretend I had much (if anything) to do with the icing—that was Carla’s purview—but it was delicious and egg nog flavoured. And when it was done we put it on the cake:

 
Then we ate it. The end.